De-Programming Violence

"Violence starts in the Womb."

As I begin to write this article, I realize it may be rather difficult for some of you to grapple with the concepts I am presenting here.  However, you can trust that it is written from the purest space of love that I can garner, as I have worked to deprogram myself from violence for many, many years.  Therefore, I highly recommend that you stay very conscious of your breath as you read this.  You may not be able to read it straight through, so be easy on yourself.  And by all means, do not use this to convince someone else of their need to deprogram, it's okay to do your own work, while expanding your own capacity to love.

When children grow up in a household where the adults are full of hate, resentment, anger and distrust, the vibration inside the home is filled with this as well.  By now, most of us get it when someone says to us, it's all about the energy.  So imagine this, a child in the womb is being inundated with the energy of the adult who is carrying them.  Have you ever felt your own violence when you lose your temper with someone?  How about when you curse other people out?  What about when you discipline a child out of anger?  All of this energy goes into the fluid matter of your body and carries that energy to the unborn child.  Mix that with the concerns the mother may have about her future, her safety or even her economic well being; all of those feelings go into the DNA structure of the unborn fetus and they begin to receive these vibrations soon after conception, according to Bruce Lipton in his book, The Biology of Belief.

Now as interesting as that may be, usually a child who is in a violent womb, is also born into a violent household.  They are then exposed to violent television shows, including cartoons, parents are violent disciplinarians, they see violence in their neighborhoods, it's all over the media and advertising and then they have violence in the classroom where teachers are yelling at them a majority of the day.  So let's do the math . . . If everything is energy and like attracts like then it is very easy that young people who have come from violent households, will tend to hang with friends who are violent.  Likewise, couples are equally matched in the vibration of violence even if one is the aggressor and the other the victim.

Do you see where I am going with this?  Each one of us who was bred in a household of violence, has to begin our own recovery process, if we are going to assist our children in not creating that same vibration in their off spring.  Generational violence escalates, when education of self is taken out of the equation as well.  

It took me many, many years to discover that I had a violent vibration because I had it masked inside of my sweet, calm demeanor that refused to get angry no matter what anyone did to me.  I had developed this coping capacity because I grew up in a household full of angry women that slapped, hit, beat, kicked, verbally insulted me on a DAILY basis.  In order to get away from the anger, I became as invisible as possible and extremely compliant.  I developed the "good girl" syndrome so that no one would find fault with me.  Over time, this saved me from a great deal of negative attention.  Actually, no one paid any attention to me at all and I pretty much was free to disappear when they were busy with the rest of their highly dysfunctional living.

It's time to turn off the TELE-Vision!

However, bullying at school started when I was in kindergarten.  All through grammar school someone picked a fight with me on a weekly basis.  I would go home bloody and beat up  mostly every Friday until about 6th grade, when a street crew came to my rescue and started picking me up to make sure I made it home safely.  In my defense, I began hanging out with a gang when I was 12 and took the name Lady Tres'.  This was the only way I was able to be safe in route to and from school.  Being with a group of guys most of the time, pretty much ended the bullying and I only had one other fight and that was in 7th grade.  

By the time I made it to middle school, I was living a double life.  I was very smart, getting all high marks in school, but I was drinking alcohol on a regular basis and smoking pot whenever I could get it.  I was intelligent, pretty and I loved to party, so I hung with the street kids most of the time.  In my neighborhood, most parents told their daughters I was too fast for them to be around.  Rejection was a huge part of my childhood experience, so when people left my life, I learned to deal with it by drinking and partying more.  However, I was still the Valedictorian of my 8th grade class and gave a wonderful speech at the graduation that my PE Teacher helped me to write.

I married violent men; all had violent mothers.  I thought it was because I didn't have a father and therefore didn't know what to look for in a husband.  And after years of research and working with clients in my coaching practice, I have come to see the vibration of violence inside of my refusal to acknowledge anger within myself.  It was as though I attracted these men to show me how to stand up for myself, and develop the strength of my own voice and take leadership over my life.  When I finally saw this, I apologized to each one of them for blaming them for knocking my teeth out, or contributing to my dozen of black eyes. I now know how to get angry as hell without throwing a temper tantrum or blaming someone else.

As a means to deprogram violence from my life, I stopped abusing myself in all areas that I could see abuse being present. Being a workaholic is a form of self abuse, not taking care of your physical is self abuse, having poor dietary standards is a form of self abuse, any habitual self destructive act is a form of self abuse -- alcohol, sex, marijuana, food, etc.  I took myself into a world wind of self care and high priority.  I am the most important person in my Universe and I choose to live in that manner.  If it isn't good for me, I don't do it, no matter how good it feels to me.  Now mind you, I still get my partying in, I just do it all in moderation.

I have come to unmask violence for myself in several different layers:

1. Violence in how we speak to ourselves and others is most harmful.

2. Emotional violence is withholding love from someone we care about.

3.  Physical violence is the most obvious.

4. Psychological violence occurs when we intentionally harm someone by lying, stealing, cheating, gossiping, etc.

5. Spiritual violence is used through the affects of religion as a means to control and manipulate another, thus hindering their spiritual growth.

6. Economic violence occurs when finances are used to maintain control over someone.

7. Educational violence happens when images, stories, and pictures are used to condition people to be a certain way, so they remain dependent on the people who are providing the education.

To deprogram violence we must move love to the highest frequency we can muster, within ourselves.  If you make the assumption of thinking that others are suppose to love you more than you love you, then you are setting yourself up for a huge let down.  Everyone else is here to take care of themselves, just like you are here to take care of  you.  When we become less violent toward ourselves, violence will automatically decrease against another which in turn will create less domestic and community violence.  And eventually, there will be less violence against Mother Earth and wars will end as well. And just imagine it all starts with you . . . One Love!

To gain an over standing of non-violent communication check out this video . . . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loABGdbOXU0&feature=related

To learn more about Deprogramming Violence from your life, we invite you to join us for a series of workshops and lectures beginning this fall.  For more information, send your inquiry to mushemsut@gmail.com.

If you would like to speak with an Executive Life Coach at this time, feel free to call Rita Stewart at 773-969-6211.  Or visit her website at www.themassterforce.com