The Relationship Trap

The Relationship Trap

Where did we get the idea that we are incomplete if we are “single”? There are many experiences in life that can happen and even if we are in a relationship at this very moment, life happens and your relationship can change in an instant. Wouldn’t it be great if we could get to the place where no matter wh

ere we find ourselves in life, we can be comfortable in our own skin? Well let me say, if you are reading my blog you are one of the few people who are ready to make that type of adjustment in your thinking. Why am I talking about the relationship trap?

So many people believe that one person in life will provide them with the happiness and joy they have always longed for and thus the trap is set. Imagine that the entirety of your life is designed to have you become the best version of yourself and that is all. So another person is not required for you to become that version and ironically, you will not attract that divine relationship until you generate the vibration to hold such a gift. Let us examine it from this direction.

The Evolution of Relating

Parental Relationships – Some of us have really awesome parents and have found true love and balance with the way we interact with them. We are able to be ourselves in their presence and there is not a sense of parent/child struggles as we move into adulthood. Then there is the majority of us that have issues regarding our parents and we either are dealing with them or they are dragging us around in misery. It’s important to point out here that many of us end up marrying the one parent that we could not stand when we were children. As horrified as that may sound, the Universe is generously providing a mirror to assist us in eliminating those blocks that keep us bound to our sadness and inadequacies. Here is the work in this arena:

1. Forgive your parents for whatever you think they did or didn’t do for you

2. Acknowledge that your parents did the best they could do at the time.

3. Get to know your parents and their life so that you can see the child in them and maybe even help them to loosen some of the emotional blocks from their own childhood.

4. Begin to distinguish the outdated parenting modes you may use with your own children and release them.

The Illusion of Dating

• Are you special?
• Do you have to feel special to someone?
• Does someone in particular have to make you be special?
• Is being special or not being special the trigger that drives your need to be in intimate relationships?

Just about everyone we know would say yes to the above questions and thus the illusion of dating is created right along with the drama and the heartache. As soon as we are taught to look outside of ourselves to determine our worth we begin the journey of seeking approval. Much of what people do in dating is to validate their worth. “Look at who I am with!” and then, when they are no longer with the person, they feel invalidated, “I am not good enough”. Now the pattern of finding the right one to make us feel good enough becomes a life long quest. And again, we are still looking outside of ourselves for someone to tell us we are special or to make us feel special.

Well your search is over! Hear me loud and clear: “YOU ARE SPECIAL JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ALIVE!” Now act like it!

You don’t have to prove that you are worthy of anyone’s love or attention and when you find yourself doing that please note that this is a self-esteem issue. How much esteem or worthiness do you hold for yourself? I don’t care what your parents did or did not do for you. It doesn’t matter if you were a wanted pregnancy or not. YOU MATTER TO LIFE!

So here is what I am inviting you to do for the next few months to clear your space for the greatness that is before you:

1. Dating celibacy – take your attention off of your mate or your desire to have a mate.
2. Explore opportunities to get to know yourself on a more intimate level, this can be done through the spiritual practices of solitude, meditation, study, time in nature, yoga, etc.
3. Mentally assess where you are right now with your life. Shed light on any dreams or ideas you may have let go of in the past and see if they are worth reviving.
4. Do you have any outstanding issues from your past relationships that need to be healed and released? Take care of this one immediately.

Relationships are for Kingdom Building

People have always asked me why I don’t date and the truth is I date all the time based on setting up a scheduled time to be with people – my girlfriends, my male buddies, my children, etc. On this path in life some of my best healing has taken place when I have not been in a relationship. And I have been fortunate enough to know that prayer has my life partner find me when we are both ready. And along the way I cultivate relationships with a multitude of individuals who are like-minded and spiritually nurturing.

I can tell when men want to hang out with me just so they don’t have to be alone or deal with their demons. I don’t choose to take that on at this time. We all have to do our own work. I have trained myself to not be an enabler. I will help another become strong before I will make them depend on me and become weak. Thus weak men seldom last in my space whether they are friends, lovers or otherwise. One priestess told me that she can see from my past life that I “make men out of Kings and Kings out of men”. When she told me this I was in the midst of cultivating a group of 30 young men who belonged to a street organization. I was merely adhering to the blueprint in my soul.

Know this, as you develop the true essence of who you are, your mate is doing the same thing. So don’t rush it! We need each of us to be strong and capable to deal with the huge backlog of healing that needs to take place in our hearts, our homes and our communities. At this point spiritual cultivation is the key and it’s to be used to unlock your mind from the strong hold that the world has on it.

Let me recommend the following actions you can take to support you:

1. Raise the level of self-care and nurturing that you provide to yourself and your inner core of family and friends.
2. Advance your awareness of who you are to the next level. See how you can play in life more generously.
3. Release those patterns in your relationships that keep you beholden to parents, friends, lovers and jobs that are not for your higher good.
4. Get a library card and develop your home library as well.

When you are having a good time in your life and your heart is light and your troubles are few and far between, it wouldn’t matter if you have a mate or not, because what you would have is joy and when you have joy all that is joyful will flow to you. And, what is not will move away from you!

Love and Light!

Mu Shemsu-t

www.mushemsut.com

Relationship Affirmations

http://www.youtube.com/user/mushemsut#p/a/u/1/z7IkQTC14FEt

******************************************************************

Mu Shemsu-t is a Life Style Transformation Coach, Author of “Patiently Waiting for Nothing”, Creator of “Wealth Manifestation Audio System” and “I am Jams” and the Founder of Master Force International Leadership Academy (Online 2010). Join her fan page on FaceBook and YouTube.

Emptying The Vessel

A friend of mine received a beautiful bouquet of roses the other night from a gentleman she was going out to dinner with. I had a nice glass vase for her to put the flowers in but it had been sitting for a while so there was residue of dirt, mud and dust on the bottom of it. As I began to run water into the vase to clean it, the dirt inside created mud. It took a few minutes before the glass container cleared up enough to complete the wash and then add fresh water for the roses. Have you ever attempted to put something into a full or even dirty cup, vessel or pot of some kind without cleaning it first? I’d like you to consider that many of us do this with our emotional energy all the time.

When you are seeking to add goodness to your life but you haven’t taken the time to completely heal from some damaged version of yourself, then the most that you can get is the mess mingled in with the fresh. When this happens we experience what many of us refer to as drama. This is particularly true in our relationships whether it’s with co-workers, family members and even our love mates. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about.

I had a client that really wanted to find his life partner. His biggest complaint was that women he dated were insecure, needy and possessive. So after a couple of coaching sessions I asked him if he had any of these qualities within himself. He resounded with a loud, “Not at all.” He then began to give me evidence of how successful his life had been in the creation of money, business, material possessions and his exotic lifestyle. When I asked him if he openly shared his business success with any of the women he had dated in the past, he said, “I don’t think they would be able to handle it.” And there in lies the “red flag”.

Many times the relationships we experience in our childhood with the adult members of our family tend to color the way we view the opposite sex. If our mothers were bossy, overbearing, needy or possessive with the father, then men tend to make up in their minds that women can’t be true partners. The same is true with women who grow up without fathers; they tend to make up that men will always leave. Both of these cases are held as truth in the hearts of the individuals so all they ever experience is the outcome of their beliefs.

Now just suppose we are able to create a paradigm shift which allows our parents to be in the perfect relationship they were in with their spouse regardless if they stayed together or not. Imagine that they subconsciously chose the partners they were with based on what they needed to experience for their spiritual growth? When we are able to observe where people are without drawing conclusions about “why” they are, this will give us more room to integrate the lessons of love that we are to learn from our childhood relationships.

For each of us to experience life in the present moment we must attempt to release old beliefs, patterns and thoughts that keep us from having what we desire. We have to empty the vessel so that the good stuff can get in. Otherwise, we tend to only attract the same people and situations over and over until we learn to integrate the love lessons that are strongly leading us to love unconditionally whether or not our parents have learned to do so or not.

Your first thought is probably, “that is easier said than done,” and I would definitely agree with you. However, when you begin the practice of examining yourself in light of outdated beliefs, thoughts and patterns you will get in touch with your true authentic self who is completely unlike anyone you have ever known. You will experience the joy of being someone exciting, different and creative without always insisting that what you are doing is “right”. Many people do the same thing over and over again to prove that what they are doing is the way it should be done, whether it is working for them or not. They are always looking to say, “See, I told you this would work.” And in the meantime, they have missed many amazing opportunities to grow, expand and contribute to a vibrant world that can only be experienced and not captured.

Breathe into your stomach then slowly exhale, now look to see what beliefs or patterns you are holding on to that are no longer serving you. Are you willing to let them go? Are you willing to experience the best version of yourself? Are you open to being in the flow of your highest good? When you make it a regular practice to “empty your vessel”, your life will become more meaningful and far more adventurous than you could have ever imagined. And when someone gives you roses you can put them in a clear glass vessel where their true beauty will be transparent to all.

Take a moment to view this presentation it will assist you in your efforts to empty.

http://prezi.com/w7u8ngdlga2c/

~~ Love and Light

www.mushemsut.com

Golden Light of Protection

Recently I was reminded of how useful it has been to teach my children that they are always protected through my prayers and meditation. As parents we may not realize how important it is to affirm our children with this information, however this brief story may assist you in adopting a practice that I have used for over 25 years with my children.

Last month I chaperoned a group of students to North Carolina for a college tour. I was gone for about 7 days and my 14 year old son was in the care of his father. On Friday night of that week I was awakened from my sleep by the alarming ring of my cell phone. I didn't recognize the number but thought I needed to answer because it was 1:30am and possibly someone's emergency.

When I answered my son said to me, "Ma do you have Matt's mother's phone number?"

I was slightly taken aback, yet I responded calmly, "No, I don't have her number. Where are you calling me from?"

I could hear street cars in the background as he responded, "I'm on Bryn Mawr. They are suppose to pick me up but my phone died."

"When is the last time you spoke with them." I was working really hard to not be upset, as I focused on my breathing while looking diligently in my mind for a rescue option.

"I spoke to them before I left, but it takes an hour to get here from the south side."

"Who's phone are you calling me from." I asked finally realizing the unfamiliar number.

"This man standing with me on the train platform."

Okay, I am 800 miles away, my son is alone using a stranger's phone, and it's 1:3o in the morning. There was nothing I could do. I had one answer.

"Son, I can't help you."

He was quiet for a few seconds yet he remained calm realizing the dilemma we were both in. He softly said, "okay."

Before we ended the call I assured him that they were probably on the way to get him, having realized by now that his phone was dead.

After I hung up I took several more deep breaths and knew that all I could do was evoke God's protection. I went back to bed and quickly ignited the "golden light of protection meditation." I then went peacefully to sleep.

An hour later I was awakened again out of my sleep and this time the call was from my son's cell phone. When I answered he said, "Ma, I made it. I am safe."

I thanked him for the call and told him he did good. I then went peacefully back to sleep.

A couple of weeks later I was at his school for Report Card pickup and saw the parent that transported him that night from the train station. I gave her a big hug and thanked her for being on call.

She said, "He was a bit shaken up when we got there and I asked him where his mother was and he told me you were traveling."

Mrs. Saxx moved slightly closer as she made her next statement, "Then he told me that he was safe because you prayed for him and put a light of protection around him so that nothing bad could ever happen to him," lightly chuckling.

Although she was slightly amused by his remark, I could tell that she thought it was something truly profound for him to travel with that level of confidence in a city known to be fatally dangerous.

I stopped being defensive about my spiritual practices many, many years ago, so I didn't bother to elaborate on the effectiveness of this ritual. However, I did acknowledge her again as I smiled inside knowing that my son lived by a lesson I spoke to him when he was 8 years old:

"I may not be able to be with you most of the time, but remember that God is with you ALWAYS."

May we all place the "Golden Light of Protection" around our children and our communities.

~~Love and Light

Mu Shemsu-t

www.mushemsut.com

Golden Light of Protection

prezi.com/o96ry4pqxxcg/