The Relationship Trap
Where did we get the idea that we are incomplete if we are “single”? There are many experiences in life that can happen and even if we are in a relationship at this very moment, life happens and your relationship can change in an instant. Wouldn’t it be great if we could get to the place where no matter wh
ere we find ourselves in life, we can be comfortable in our own skin? Well let me say, if you are reading my blog you are one of the few people who are ready to make that type of adjustment in your thinking. Why am I talking about the relationship trap?
So many people believe that one person in life will provide them with the happiness and joy they have always longed for and thus the trap is set. Imagine that the entirety of your life is designed to have you become the best version of yourself and that is all. So another person is not required for you to become that version and ironically, you will not attract that divine relationship until you generate the vibration to hold such a gift. Let us examine it from this direction.
The Evolution of Relating
Parental Relationships – Some of us have really awesome parents and have found true love and balance with the way we interact with them. We are able to be ourselves in their presence and there is not a sense of parent/child struggles as we move into adulthood. Then there is the majority of us that have issues regarding our parents and we either are dealing with them or they are dragging us around in misery. It’s important to point out here that many of us end up marrying the one parent that we could not stand when we were children. As horrified as that may sound, the Universe is generously providing a mirror to assist us in eliminating those blocks that keep us bound to our sadness and inadequacies. Here is the work in this arena:
- Forgive your parents for whatever you think they did or didn’t do for you
- Acknowledge that your parents did the best they could do at the time.
- Get to know your parents and their life so that you can see the child in them and maybe even help them to loosen some of the emotional blocks from their own childhood.
- Begin to distinguish the outdated parenting modes you may use with your own children and release them.
The Illusion of Dating
- Are you special?
- Do you have to feel special to someone?
- Does someone in particular have to make you be special?
- Is being special or not being special the trigger that drives your need to be in intimate relationships?
Just about everyone we know would say yes to the above questions and thus the illusion of dating is created right along with the drama and the heartache. As soon as we are taught to look outside of ourselves to determine our worth we begin the journey of seeking approval. Much of what people do in dating is to validate their worth. “Look at who I am with!” and then, when they are no longer with the person, they feel invalidated, “I am not good enough”. Now the pattern of finding the right one to make us feel good enough becomes a life long quest. And again, we are still looking outside of ourselves for someone to tell us we are special or to make us feel special.
Well your search is over! Hear me loud and clear: “YOU ARE SPECIAL JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE ALIVE!” Now act like it!
You don’t have to prove that you are worthy of anyone’s love or attention and when you find yourself doing that please note that this is a self-esteem issue. How much esteem or worthiness do you hold for yourself? I don’t care what your parents did or did not do for you. It doesn’t matter if you were a wanted pregnancy or not. YOU MATTER TO LIFE!
So here is what I am inviting you to do for the next few months to clear your space for the greatness that is before you:
- Dating celibacy – take your attention off of your mate or your desire to have a mate.
- Explore opportunities to get to know yourself on a more intimate level, this can be done through the spiritual practices of solitude, meditation, study, time in nature, yoga, etc.
- Mentally assess where you are right now with your life. Shed light on any dreams or ideas you may have let go of in the past and see if they are worth reviving.
- Do you have any outstanding issues from your past relationships that need to be healed and released? Take care of this one immediately.
Relationships are for Kingdom Building
People have always asked me why I don’t date and the truth is I date all the time based on setting up a scheduled time to be with people – my girlfriends, my male buddies, my children, etc. On this path in life some of my best healing has taken place when I have not been in a relationship. And I have been fortunate enough to know that prayer has my life partner find me when we are both ready. And along the way I cultivate relationships with a multitude of individuals who are like-minded and spiritually nurturing.
I can tell when men want to hang out with me just so they don’t have to be alone or deal with their demons. I don’t choose to take that on at this time. We all have to do our own work. I have trained myself to not be an enabler. I will help another become strong before I will make them depend on me and become weak. Thus weak men seldom last in my space whether they are friends, lovers or otherwise. One priestess told me that she can see from my past life that I “make men out of Kings and Kings out of men”. When she told me this I was in the midst of cultivating a group of 30 young men who belonged to a street organization. I was merely adhering to the blueprint in my soul.
Know this, as you develop the true essence of who you are, your mate is doing the same thing. So don’t rush it! We need each of us to be strong and capable to deal with the huge backlog of healing that needs to take place in our hearts, our homes and our communities. At this point spiritual cultivation is the key and it’s to be used to unlock your mind from the strong hold that the world has on it.
Let me recommend the following actions you can take to support you:
- Raise the level of self-care and nurturing that you provide to yourself and your inner core of family and friends.
- Advance your awareness of who you are to the next level. See how you can play in life more generously.
- Release those patterns in your relationships that keep you beholden to parents, friends, lovers and jobs that are not for your higher good.
- Get a library card and develop your home library as well.
When you are having a good time in your life and your heart is light and your troubles are few and far between, it wouldn’t matter if you have a mate or not, because what you would have is joy and when you have joy all that is joyful will flow to you. And, what is not will move away from you!
Love and Light!
Mu Shemsu-t
Relationship Affirmations
http://www.youtube.com/user/mushemsut#p/a/u/1/z7IkQTC14FEt
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Mu Shemsu-t is a Life Style Transformation Coach, Author of “Patiently Waiting for Nothing”, Creator of “Wealth Manifestation Audio System” and “I am Jams” and the Founder of Master Force International Leadership Academy (Online 2010). Join her fan page on FaceBook and YouTube.
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